May 19, 1986. My grandmother showed me this date in her catalog of memories. She recorded the date and time I was diagnosed as a Type 1 (Juvenile Onset) diabetic. I have a label. “I am diabetic,” I would say. Like it defines me or something.
I’ve been dwelling about this a lot. About a year ago, I went to a support group for adult women who happen to have diabetes. At this session, our counselor mentioned a book called Diabetes Burnout. I just bought it a month ago on my Nook, and just finished Chapter One.
I also downloaded today Made to Crave by Lysa TerKeurst. I read the introduction.
I have a new goal to add to my list this year: Each night, read one chapter from each book. I think they are going to work very well in tandem with each other. I am seriously burned out on being diabetic. Having pneumonia this week is certainly not helping, as I have to take Prednisone which drastically affects my blood sugars in a hyperglycemic way. Does not help I don’t like checking my blood sugar. Who does? Really. That’s the burn out talking.
I need to remember this: I am KARA. As KARA, who happens to have diabetes. It does not define me, but it is a part of me. It’s not going away. Type 1 just doesn’t disappear, even if I lose weight and exercise. I mean, if I do those things, I can be healthier overall, and I still need to take insulin and I definitely need to check my blood sugars.
And I need motivation. As Lysa TerKeurst writes, I need the “want to.” I know the “must do” and “have to.” I am missing the “want to.” Please pray for me. Pray I find my “want to” so that I can be healthy, have energy, and keep up with my almost-walking baby boy.
Pray this cough goes away. Pray I am not defined by the circumstances in my life, but by the Creator who knit me together with this very specific genetic code. He allows me to experience this, and who am I to question why? Burnout and doubt bring that question to the surface, every time I hear a sermon or read a passage of scripture about “healing.” “Why not heal me?” I hear over and over in my mind and heart. Then I remember: “Because My Grace is SUFFICIENT for you.” A lesson I continue to learn, I am so thankful Paul wrote of his experience with the same battle. “Three times I prayed for the Lord to remove this thorn in my side…”
And my syringes, lancets, test strips and insulin remain. “…My Grace is sufficient for you.” Lord, teach me. Your servant is listening.