Reflections on my Readings…

So in my last post, I talked about Diabetes Burnout and Made to Crave.  I feel like it will be beneficial for me to write out what I am noticing hits me the most, so here goes:

From Diabetes Burnout

  • I know the importance of self-care, checking my blood sugars, exercising, and making the right food choices.  I am annoyed by it more than it motivates me to actually do it.
  • My lack of motivation may be created by road blocks.  Some “Personal Barriers” are listed on page 24, so I thought I would share them.  Some of them do apply to me.
  1. Chronic [and even situational] depression
  2. Poor coping skills [like emotional eating and avoidance tendencies!]
  3. Eating disorders
  4. Lack of knowledge about diabetes
  5. Inaccurate health beliefs
  6. Negative feelings about diabetes
  7. Fear of hypogycemia
  8. Fear of frustration about weight gain
  9. Unrealistic or unclear expectations about self-care [such as “my blood sugars must always be perfect; I have to be perfect.]
  • The phrases in [ ] are the ones I struggle with FOR SURE.  I have been on and off anti-depressants since my sister passed away December 3, 1999.  Maybe I should just be on them long-term instead of this situation to situation junk.  I have a doctor’s appt next week, so I will ask about that.  I know I have avoidance issues.  If I don’t want to deal with something (like blood sugars and finances), I avoid them.  They’ll go away, right?  Fat chance!  And I do set unrealistic goals for myself:  If I am going to do this, I am going to do it RIGHT!  PERFECTION!  I forget that the only perfect person is the one who died on the cross to save me from MY IMPERFECTIONS.  Jesus alone is perfect.  Why do I torture myself with the idea of perfect?  I also have what the book calls the “doormat” syndrome.  This is where I put everyone else’s needs above my own.  Like this morning, Zander started fussing and was ready to get out of his crib.  My first instinct was to get up, get him, change him, feed him, etc.  Then I realized, wait, I need to check my blood sugar!  Good thing I did too, because it had gone up overnight.  Took me a couple hours to get it back down, even with insulin (I had to take another Prednisone this morning too).  So my husband got up and took care of Zander’s dirty diaper and fed him breakfast.  I am a blessed woman, and I don’t need to walk this path alone!  The last barrier that hit me pretty hard is actually the financial barrier.  It is EXPENSIVE to be diabetic, even WITH health insurance.  I can’t afford to be on my insulin pump because all the supplies count toward the deductible first, I have a low-income job, and can’t keep up with even a monthly payment plan, pay rent, pay the electricity, buy decent food to actually eat, and pay whatever other bills come up (even with my husband’s low-income job too).  This is where my post the other day about financial planning comes into play, but we are going to need some serious help if I hope to be back on my insulin pump.
  • So the next chapter will get me thinking about how I can overcome these barriers.  I am glad I am reading this now, and will have a list of questions for my new doctor next week!

Observations about Made To Crave:

  • Lysa writes about a different perspective on the “Eve and the Forbidden Fruit.”  Satan tempts us where we are weakest:  in our lust, our cravings, and our boastings.
  • She defines each of these as the following:  Cravings = “trying to get our physical desires met outside of the will of God;”  Lust of the Eyes = “Trying to get our material desires met outside of the will of God;” and Boasting = “Trying to get our need for significance met outside the will of God.” 
  • She compared the tempting of Eve with the tempting of Jesus after his forty days in the wilderness.  Eve kept her eye on that fruit, and all the promises whispered to her from the enemy.  Jesus kept his eye on the Word of God, and refuted each temptation with scripture.  Can the same work for us in overcoming our temptations?  And not just temptations of food.  I am thinking “temptations to NOT check my blood sugar.”  Yep.  The two became one.  In reading one book, it is linking together the issues I am facing and forcing myself to actually deal with now.
  • “Eve craved what she focused on.  We consume what we think about.  And what we think about can consume us if we’re not carefuly,” Lysa writes.  So with what do I want to fill my mind? 

I have a lot to think about.  Look for more reflective posts.  I hope to post after reading a chapter of each book and having time to dwell on what I have read.  Please, post your fears, cravings, issues with self-care, etc.  Let’s encourage and support each other to fill our minds with God’s Word, and to make choices that will satisfy our desires for HIM alone!

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