It’s Not Fair…

I was reflecting on the Made to Crave Bible study this morning, and as I wrote my response on the M2C Blog page, I thought I should share my response here as well.  Today and tomorrow, the focus is on Chapter 10 of Made to Crave, entitled, “It’s Not fair.”

So here are my initial thoughts:

It isn’t fair…that I have type 1 diabetes…that I lost my sister to suicide…that I struggle to lose weight…blah blah blah….
All these thoughts have run through my heart and mind over the years. It isn’t fair that every time I have those thoughts, I sink deeper and deeper into depression, which brings me more frequently to the fridge and the deliciousness I find inside. Or to the pantry for the jar of peanut butter and a spoon with which to stuff my face…
I have been on a journey to health. A journey of healing. Type 1 diabetes does not ever go away, and I am 28 years into the journey. Grief is a path that ebbs and flows, with crashing waves at times and moments of serenity, basking in the memories. There are violent storms, gentle rains, and sunny days all mixed in, no matter how long it has been. It has been 14 years now without the physical presence of my dear sister. And I still go on. Granted, I have been in and out of therapy and on and off anti-depressants (currently on again).

In all of this though, the Lord has proved Himself. He provided the best counselors for me when I needed them most. He has filled my life with the best girlfriends a woman could ever want, to the point these women have become as sisters to me. I have 7 women in my life I would gladly claim as my sisters. God knew I needed them, and they needed me.

The path He has given me is not an easy one. Looking back, I can see His handiwork in it: His safety net in place to catch me with every fall. By His strength alone, I am here. I am weak, but HE IS STRONG. Paul writes that he prayed 3 times for the Lord to remove the thorn from his flesh. I have prayed hundreds, if not thousands, of times for the Lord to remove this disease from me, or to bring my sister back. And I hear His still, quiet voice whisper gently as He pulls me into the shelter of His Fortress, “My grace is sufficient for you.”
One of my first blog posts describes my journey:

The story of Abby Rike is heartbreaking and inspiring.  Her video is in the Bible Study blog page, linked at the top here, and I linked her personal page here as well.  Check it out!


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